Whenever I tell people how old the twins are, I usually hear a response along the lines of "already? I can't believe they are already that old, it's going so fast!"

My response is usually along the lines of "nope, it feels like they should be that old to me."  

I can't even hardly remember what all has happened in the last 9 months.  It's weird to think it was ONLY 9 months ago that I was sitting at Blake's little league game, timing my contractions, trying to decide if I was going to have to make the call to my OBGyn when we got home from his game.  It's hard to believe it's only been 9 months that we've been a family of 5.  

About a month ago, I was at a birthday party for a friend of Blake's at a gym.  I sat with the twins in the stroller on the side watching Blake run around with his little friends, and chatted with some of my neighbors.  While I was sitting there, this older man walked up and just looked at the girls.  He wasn't trying to bother me, just wanted to know how old they were.  I think they were almost 8 months at the time.  When he heard how old they were, he responded by telling me I was doing a great job, and then he said something so sweet:

"I know the days are long right now, really long, but I promise the years are going to be short."

It's stuck with me.  When I have long days, I think about what he says.  I think about how Blake has gone from as small as his sisters to a 4 1/2 year old in the blink of an eye.  

I've had a lot of long days lately.  As I posted before, I recently had to increase my dosage on my postpartum depression medication.  When I did that and told my family it was happening, my sister and her fiancĂ© and my mom and dad all dropped everything to lend me a helping hand.  My mom stayed with me for a week.  She let me sleep in every morning as I was getting up with the girls at night.  She let me nap if I needed it (a common side effect to increasing a dose on my particular depression medication is needing to sleep a lot).  Little by little my exhaustion was finally going away.

By the time my mom left town with my dad to head back home, I was pretty refreshed.  I can't begin to tell you the necessity of having family to back you up, not only as a parent, but also in baseball.  Being a baseball wife is a lonely job.  Many don't see that.  They see the cars, the money, the big league games, and the sparkle.  But there's another side.  The side for those of us that hold together families while our husbands bus around.  The side that has seen many more minor league seasons than major league seasons.  Many of us are being a huge support system for these men.  Without the support of my mom, my dad, my sister, and my friends, I wouldn't be able to be the wife I am to Elliot.

We are ready to embark on this home stretch of the first year with twins.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and we are ready to get to birthday celebrations for the girls and Blake this offseason.  

The Baseball Wife

A few nights ago, as I was crying and praying after having locked myself in my closet to escape the yells that were coming from all three kids, I knew it was time to call the doctor again.  

I spoke to the doctor on the phone the next day, and tears came rolling down again as I explained to him how overwhelmed I felt, how alone I felt, and how sad I felt.  He made the decision to up the dose on my postpartum depression meds.

The call is so scary to make.  I know.  It took me a very long time to call the doctor in the spring when I was first diagnosed.  I held out, thinking I was just overwhelmed with the twins (who wouldn't be?), and I just wasn't making myself happy.  I tried working out, I tried shopping, I tried hanging out with friends.  I finally cried as Elliot hugged me and as I told him I thought I had postpartum depression, and that the sadness wasn't going away.  I called my doctor, finally, the next day and I was put on a low dose of antidepressants.

Flash forward to now, I'm here at home on my own.  I'm taking care of a 4 year old and twin babies all on my own, with the occasional help of babysitters.  I'm up if anyone is up every single night.  I never sleep all night.  I stay up late in an attempt to talk to Elliot after every game, and I get up early when the twins are ready for breakfast.  I was handling it, and then it just started to get overwhelming again.  I'm unhappy that I'm not with my husband, I feel lonely because I don't get out.  Lots will contribute to the depression, and I feel like I have the trifecta.  This time, I didn't wait as long.  I called the doctor and will now get to get back into the light.

There is a stigma with depression.  You'll see all over pinterest people telling you to "choose happy," as if I hadn't tried to find the joy in parenting.  I LOVE my kids.  That doesn't make my job easy.  I can't just choose to get sleep when I need it.  I have little people to take care of.  It's something people don't talk about, and I think that's really sad.  Once I was diagnosed, I started opening up to friends about it.  Half told me that they had been on antidepressants at some point in their lives as well.  

According to the APA, 9-16% of women deal with postpartum depression.  Thats 1 out of every 10 girlfriends you have.  

I am not ashamed of the fact that I have postpartum depression.  I am disappointed that I have it, because I wish I could just choose to find the joy in parenting.  I guess I am still choosing joy, though.  While I may not be able to just make that decision, I did make the decision to get help, and that does help me see the joy in parenting.  

I mostly wanted to write this post to tell women that are concerned they have postpartum depression to get help.  I know that phone call is so hard to make, but I promise that your doctor will be more than understanding, and will help you through this.  Tell your friends and family, they will have your back.  My sister and my parents are my biggest supporters. 

Just don't let the fact that you don't "want" to have postpartum depression stop you from getting the help you need.  Nobody "wants" it.  It takes an admirable individual to seek help when it's needed.  If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your family.  Your anxiety and moods are always taken out on those you love the most.  They don't deserve that.  Your kids deserve the fun mom that you know you are.  The one that wants to go swing on the swing set with them, not the one that is crying on her bed everyday.  

For more information on postpartum depression, as well as the signs and symptoms, please check out the APA website here.  

If this helps just one woman find the help she needs, I have done my job.  

The Baseball Wife

I'm so excited to share my first giveaway since the revival of The Life of the Baseball Life and Dot Dot Smile is joining me!  

When I was expecting the twins, I was starting to look for clothes that were different from the average stores.  I wanted something that they didn't make tons and tons of and something that was cute and trendy.

A friend recommended Dot Dot Smile.  A love affair began.  The clothes offered by Dot Dot Smile are so very one of my favorite things.  

Dot Dot Smile makes the cutest clothes.  They make dresses and tops for girls and leggings for girls, boys, and women.  I have a few different versions of the lucy dress, which is a super cute, stretchy dress that my girls love.

And then there's the leggings, oh the leggings.  

These leggings are so stretchy and wonderful.  I got size 6-12 months for my girls when they were 3 months old, and they have literally been wearing them all the time ever since.  

Dot Dot Smile doesn't make so many clothes that you're going to see them on every kid.  They also don't make so few that you're constantly stalking them and waiting for flash sales.  That sounds like a perfect medium to me.  

So here's the deal.  Dot Dot Smile was kind enough to offer up a pair of children's leggings AND a pair of adult leggings to giveaway on my blog.

I'm so jealous of all of you that get to enter this contest!  

How do you enter?
I want you to head over to dotdotsmile.com and pick what pairs (one adult and one child) you would want if you won.  

Then, I want you to then post a comment on this blog with your favorite pairs and your email, feel free to share your blog if you have one as well.

How do you get more entries?  
Share!  Share this post on your facebook or your twitter! 

This giveaway is going to end on Friday, July 11 at 11:59 pm.  I will announce the winner the following week.  

Thanks so much for entering and I can't wait to see your sweet new leggings!  You're gonna LOVE them!  
The Baseball Wife
a Rafflecopter giveaway