I'm not here to put anyone down for reading the 50 shades novels or seeing the movie.  I'm just offering a perspective on what kind of man Christian Grey really is.  I understand that it's entertainment, I just want to point out parts that I don't find so entertaining.  

By now many of my friends and countless women across America have read the 50 Shades of Grey books and even more have seen the movie.

I have read the books, but I haven't seen the movie.

I have been thinking about whether I wanted to see the movie or not, but I'm not so sure I want to.

I read the book a few years ago from a friend's recommendation, and when I finished the first book, I was mad.

I asked her why on Earth she liked this book.  Why in your right mind would you recommend this to me?

She said to keep reading the books, that it gets better.  

So I did.

If you're planning on reading the novels or seeing the movies, consider this your spoiler alert.  

All in all, the story is that a seemingly homely girl finds herself interviewing a mega-rich man for a story.  He decides he wants to make her his next S&M partner and decides he wants to show her the ropes.  She obliges because he must be so super hot that she decides it's worth it to get beaten and controlled so that she can be in his presence until the end when he beats her so hard that she doesn't want him to touch her anymore.

As the rest of the stories go, he decides he loves her and changes for her, and the book tries to make it seem like it's not all his fault that he has been doing this to women since his mother let him be abused as a child, and an older woman basically molested him when teaching him S&M.  All it really took to change him was this girl showing him love, obviously.  Not therapy, because that would make way too much sense for someone with so much money.  They get married, have babies, and live happily ever after.  

The books all in all romanticize the notion that a man that loves you must be overly protective and controlling of you and hey, he might even beat you because he cares SO much.

I'll admit, there were parts of the book that were hot.  But I can't really look past the fact that this romance novel reeks of domestic abuse.  

Maybe you're into S&M, and if you are, great, good for you.  That's your choice, and if that's what you're really into then more power to you.  

What I'm not into is controlling, manipulative men in novels that get by because of their good looks.  I'm also not into the fact that they prey on homely girls.  Is that all we have to offer, ladies?  Our looks and sexuality?  

Maybe it's just me, but I don't feel like that's real romance.  

Controlling men are so insecure with themselves that they have to bring women to their level.  A real man, the kind of man that I think women should find attractive, lifts women up so that they can be the best they can be.  A real man doesn't need to know where a woman is 24/7, and allows a woman to have control of her own body.  He doesn't control what she wears, how she acts, or who she chooses to be around, professionally, or socially.  

I certainly hope that our generation considers what we are going to be teaching our daughters (and sons!) about love and worth.  There should be less Anastasias and Bellas (twilight) of the world that feel the need to change themselves to make a man happy.  

We need men that empower us in the same ways we empower them.  I'm not asking for women to be held higher than men.  I'm not here to put men down, I truly believe they should be held at an equal level (but that's another blog post for another day).  I'm just tired of seeing us women swoon over men that manipulate control into seeming like they are protective.  

The Baseball Wife


  1. Thank you for sharing these thoughts! Could not agree more. I am so saddened by how our generation views "self-worth." We need men and women who know who they are in Christ and walk confidently in that Truth!