Wife to John Shelby III
Even though the seasons first half is finished, it still seems like years until the end. Once the season ends my husband and I can once again be together; seven days a week instead of two. An important question was asked today to me-how long will this separation continue?
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I work for my local Sheriff’s office. I have an interesting job, working in our Process Division, serving a series of things such as warrants, child support, domestic violence, and civil/criminal summons. I love what I do and I love the team I work with; each day is different. The obstacle to this is that I have to be away from my husband. I cannot move with him because that would cause me to sacrifice the time and money I have already put into this job.
My husband and I met in college, at the time I was just trying to find myself and where I wanted to be in the next couple of years . Well here I am, away from him, and hating every minute of it. Today, of all days, adds more to my confusion. I was approached by my “supervisor” the Sheriff asking where I was going with my career and what not. Of course, I did not plan upon graduation that I would want to be in law enforcement, but since joining I have loved all the knowledge I have gained and the time spent making each day for another person better. When I got married, this separation was meant to be temporary, but since I already had invested time into my job, and did not want to move, I stayed behind commuting once a month.
Okay back to the meeting, making a long story short she offered me a promotion- working with Domestic Violence victims. GLORY! JACKPOT! WHOOOO HOOOO!!! I can do what I always wanted to do, help people, help those who do not think they have a voice and my specialty WOMEN in bad relationships. Why you may ask? Well before I met my wonderful husband, I was in a horrible relationship emotionally and physically, I knew that if I ever broke free from this I would help those who are afraid to come forward, and maybe afraid to leave that relationship.
Well when I left her office ecstatic about the new promotion that I felt was from God, my gut started to hurt, WHAT ABOUT MY HUSBAND??? What about the plans WE made? What about the promise I made that I would move during the season with him. I already pushed back this current season, and he isn’t doing very well (as he would like) I could not do that to him again. We do not want to go another season being apart like this, only seeing each other once a month.
Confused and torn between my career and my husband, I sat in my car contemplating what to do next. My automatic response was to pray “Lord I am thankful that promotion comes from you, that good things comes from above, and that you died on the cross for ALL my sins. Also stepping out on faith knowing that I am not called because I am qualified but I’m qualified because you called me. Could you please Father, Order my steps, I do not want to move away from Your will for my life, and I know since you instituted marriage that your Holy Spirit would help me become a better wife/women. Amen!” Once I was finished, I knew that it might not be an automatic response, but I had to KNOW in my spirit that the Lord is already ordering my steps and that it has all been taken care of.
Still festering in my mind the thought “what all does baseball require me to sacrifice?” I mean I know baseball is mentally stressful, my mother in law (who might I add is my neighbor) has been a baseball wife for 26 years (married 30), bearing 6 children and my husband being the oldest, she sacrificed her dream of being a Registered Nurse to become a house wife. Now at the age 51 her children are all old enough to cook and be alone, so she is going back to pursue her dream career. Do we all have time to put our lives on hold, have children, then come back and pursue our dreams?
Well, I have a chance in a lifetime doing what I always wanted to do, helping women, and I am so torn between my destiny/ and being a supportive baseball wife. Trust me, I don’t despise being a baseball wife because I have a wonderful wonderful husband, who has been so good to me, and the joy I get seeing him pursue his dreams, repeat: PURSUING HIS DREAMS, but am I being selfish by saying “what about me?” I know I did not go through four years of college and more to just sit around… I have a mission- to use everything God has invested in me, but making the right choices, to benefit us both (me and husband) is what is hard.
What am I meant to do? Travel with my husband, or take this promotion? How will I ever truly jump-start my career if I am constantly moving from place to place (not that it’s a bad thing but realistically speaking.) Where do I see myself, my marriage, and my family ten years down the road? When I called my husband and told him the once great news, I was startled by his response. “Tricia, I trust the Lord with my whole heart and we have to worry about today, right now, not tomorrow.” It was as if his words spoke freedom to my weary heart. He was willing to take each day as it comes with me, he was excited about the position but who knows where we will be next year. This may sound cliché but he hit right on the money.
I could be building up my experience helping others, and who knows what may come from this, God knows but like his Word says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Why? You do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” –Side note these are two scriptures put together Matthew 6:34 and James 4:14.
There we have it, I cannot worry about next season or even this off-season, I can only worry about TODAY. I have to do my best TODAY not tomorrow, or next week, BUT TODAY. I informed the Sheriff I would meet back with her Friday to accept my new position or decline, but as of today I am accepting the journey that God has placed before me. I am now Tricia Shelby, a Domestic Violence Court Advocate, but also a supportive (baseball) wife to my husband.