Written by Nicole Johnson
Wife to Elliot Johnson
Editor at The Life of the Baseball Wife
Lately, I've been feeling like I might need a break from social media. While I realize this is completely unrealistic (hello, followers!), I have found myself scrolling through my personal news feed a little less often.
Why? I can sum it up in one word: Jealousy.
Let me start by saying I'm truly happy that many of my friends have found so much success in baseball. Let me also say that I'm not saying my husband hasn't had a successful career, because he has. However...
It's been hard to watch the team that let him go in 2013 go to the World Series two years in a row. A team he wanted so badly to be part of, a team he helped with many wins, and maybe a loss or two in 2013.
Look, he didn't play his best that year. I get it. And maybe I just see him as the most amazing baseball player because I love him so much. But my high expectations for what I believed he deserved didn't come to him.
And as we have spent the last couple years watching Major League Baseball move along without us, it's been hard. I wanted it so badly for him. I wanted to will him to be the amazing player I knew he was. And he was many times. Just not in the right place, or at the right time.
There were times that our son Blake and I were the only people cheering for him in a packed stadium that was filled with jeers and ridicule.
The boo's bounced off the edges and the comments of the people behind me still ring in my ears from his last game with the Royals.
The woman that repeatedly screamed "Elliot! You suck! You suck!" The man behind me said to his wife, "Elliot better enjoy his time out there," because after making multiple errors in one game, "it was going to be his last game on that field."
I'd had enough. I turned around and said to him "I doubt that."
But he ended up being right. And I, the emotional, hormonal, pregnant with twins, wife of the player sitting in front of him, never got to prove him wrong.
The way that day resonates with me, I can't even explain.
We really wanted to love it there, and we really wanted to be loved by that city. We wanted it to work out.
But it didn't.
And to say it was disappointing is an understatement.
Not many people will understand the emotional baggage that comes with being told that you're done with a team, the same team that made you feel so welcome just a few months earlier. The tears you shed as you're packing up your house and your 3 year old, all while expecting twins, and going through so many transitions all at the same time.
Sure it's just business, and we aren't supposed to take it personal, but we are people. Real life human beings who have put our hearts and souls into helping to build teams.
For Katelyn, Julianna, Jenny (x2), Nicki, Lacey, Tiffany, Nicky, Jaime, Stephanie, and Ashley, I want this for you girls. But I'm not going to watch. I don't want to spend any more of my energy over my unfortunate envy. Good luck ladies, enjoy, and I hope you get what every baseball family wants. I truly am happy for you, even if I can't bear to watch right now.